No one can really know another’s pain unless they’ve experienced it. Any woman
can tell you that before the birth of her first child, she has asked other moms
for a description of the process. What will it feel like? But it’s not until you
actually give birth that you know experientially what it’s like. No description
does it justice. In that same vein, I know what it’s like to be orphaned. I know
the depth and intensity of that pain. Having been an orphan, maybe I could help
someone, love one, or just “be” one with a child experiencing that reality.
Perhaps that was the unique “something” that I could offer. Sigurd made
reference to the thousands of orphans abandoned by the earthquake- and yet, it
had been a singular catastrophe in Pakistan. And there were other disasters and
millions more vulnerable children worldwide. I began researching opportunities
to work with orphans both at home and internationally. I kept hearing Oprah’s
words: “Take something horrific and make it heroic.” I kept hearing Sigurd’s
words, ”What unique contribution could you offer a hurting world?” “Taking
something horrific and making it heroic …” that’s exactly what most orphans have
to do everyday. I was no exception.
I had done quite a bit of service work in the US already- as a foster mom,
Habitat for Humanity worker, volunteer with children affected by HIV/AIDS, food
drives, clothing drives, Operation Christmas Child, Feed the Children, Smiles
for Kids, The Red Cloud Children’s Project, Humane Society, Big Brothers, Big
Sisters, Food for the Poor, shelters for battered women, etc.. The list went on
and on to my surprise. I really hadn’t thought much about the volunteer work as
I did it. I had just volunteered here and there. I had even tried to adopt a few
of our own country’s children, but after two years, I was discouraged. The
general response was that I was too old, too single and too poor to make a
proper home for a special needs or abandoned child. By that time, I was also too
tired of being rejected. Besides, the adoption agencies probably had just cause
to prefer financially well healed, intact young couples.
None the less, after Sigurd’s presentation, I was re-energized and began to
entertain the possibility of international volunteer opportunities serving
orphaned children. Since I am approximately five years from retirement, I
wondered how I could test my suitability for the work without being a burden or
a curse to a sponsoring agency. Earlier in life, I had committed to various
idealistic ventures only to have them turn out badly because I lacked the
requisite background or experience. Have you ever imagined what a particular
activity would be like and then, as you actually did it, you realize, to your
absolute embarrassment, that you don’t like it or are not even capable of doing
it? Case in point, I once tried living out in the country with no phone,
electricity, running water or transportation plus two children under the age of
five. I was sure I could do it. I would be an angelic hippie living an
ecologically pure life in the bosom of nature. After three days, I ran screaming
back to town. So much for my “back to the land” movement! I would not want to
inflict my poorly based idealism on anyone again. Human beings, especially
orphans, should not be afflicted with folks who are experimenting with second
half of life career changes! Nor do they need the arrogant, self-righteous,
messianic providers about whom I had read horror stories. I wanted to be
centered, culturally appropriate and useful; a help not a hindrance.